Nothing for which to live...

Today...  after another disagreement with the wife concerning what she is ordering me to do when living in her house (which actually is OUR house the last time I looked), I waited about 4 hours and then asked her the following question:  "Have you ever thought about what I have to live for?"  She turned her head towards me with a look of incredulity and said nothing...  to which I replied, "I mean, my parents are dead, I don't connect with any religion (even though I have faith), my brother, sister, and daughter want nothing to do with me, I have had no friends for the last 30 years, and you have not just told me but others at Church that you should have left me years ago...  so, you tell me what do I have to live for?"  She was sustaining her look of incredulity listening with defiance, saying nothing until I walked away, then she unmuted the TV and continued watching her show...

While my life, up to this point...  that is to say the point of retirement, has not been spectacular or financially comforting, I have experienced many things that the average American can only dream about; BUT, once I retired, I soon discovered that there was absolutely nothing that I wanted to do to pass the time...  this is probably why many people don't ever retire...

This is an absurd statement...

I tried teaching night classes in Business for a local University but quickly found that not only was doing that not challenging at all, but that teaching these students who did not really want to learn was actually wasting my time, even though I had plenty of time to waste.

I did not want to spend my days working in the yard because quite frankly my wife demanded that I work in the yard each day at least as long as she did...  and, if she had to run an errand or two and was gone an hour she expected me to work in her absence and actually checked my work to see if I had followed her instructions.

Her demands were more demotivating and demoralizing than they were an attempt to create joy in retirement.

Does this even pertain to this article?

In any event...  what was the point of my continued life...  I thought to myself?  I'm being treated for two cancers...   I had a serious heart attack and was advised to get a triple bypass...  I may now have prostate cancer...  and, I am complete without a network of support...  We have saved enough money already to pay my wife's expenses, if I were to die today, for the next 30 years or until she turns 97, so there are no more financial demands on me...  my daughter lives in China and does not send me a birthday card, a father's day card, or any kind of gift at Christmas...

He would miss me...

Don't get me wrong...  this has absolutely nothing to do with SUICIDE...  no matter how depressed I got, I would not do that...  I'd rather sleep all day, not shave, and waste my time than to commit SUICIDE...   SUICIDE is for LOSERS and those who are UNDISCIPLINED...  I am not a LOSER, I just spent my whole life FAILING...                                                                       

SO...  I put my thoughts on paper...  I have created 4 blogs - all tied together and write what is on my mind whether it may be interesting to the reader or not...  I do this not because I am an asshole which I am anyway, but because I have nothing better to do with me time...  PISSER for both you and me...