Not Really Friends at All

A fellow high school classmate that I hardly knew passed away a couple of days ago from cancer and after piecing together information from a couple of sources, it was probably lung cancer and he was probably told he was terminal when he went to MD Anderson 6 months ago but just did not want anyone to know or feel sorry for him...  so, he shared the fact that everything was fine...

Is this what close friends do with each other?

I had a close friend that I had known from the third grade or over 60 years we both figured and when he got colon cancer and I got lymphoma cancer, we shared our stories, treatments, side effects, and concerns with each other and we did not not to illicit sympathy or empathy from each other but because we were close friends.  A few years back, he passed away and his wife only wanted family members invited to whatever it was that she was planning to do.

Close friends are RARE and are indeed special and if information is not shared then my guess is that the friendship was not close at all, even though it appeared to be at the time.

Being an INTJ, my friends are few and far between and after 73 years of life, I really don't miss not having friends...  but, I am fortunate that I had one close friend for several years...  my life may have been a little different if I had been blessed to have friends, but I was not, so I learned to live without the companionship of friends.

And, to be quite honest with you (as the saying goes) I am glad that I do not have any SO CALLED FRIENDS who are only my friends because of what I can do for them or to listen to them brag about themselves and their accomplishments...  usually of the financial kind moreso than of the humanitarian kind.

Time Heals All Wounds

Time heals all wounds is simply not an accurate statement...  at least for me it is not.  Underlying this phrase are two words:   forgive and forget.  And, while some might say that forgive is a Christian concept, I don't agree with that because to forgive is simply saying that you will not hold it against that person any longer.

TO FORGIVE is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

Whereas Forgiveness in Christianity is a manifestation of submission to Christ and fellow believers. ... This is based on the belief that God forgives sins through faith in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ in his death (1 John 2:2) and that, therefore, Christians should forgive others (Ephesians 4:32).

It has been 30 years since I left my home in NC and 17 years since I was divorce from my first wife and while, at least for the most part, I have stopped feeling angry towards her, I have never forgotten what she did especially after saying that she would not do what she did...

It has been almost 20 years since my father died and while I have FORGIVEN him for what he did to me as a child, I have not FORGOTTEN...  mainly because his behavior still haunts me and torments my actions and subsequently my behavior towards others close to me.

I suppose since one FORGETS and becomes LESS ANGRY that one's wounds are healed by time, but it is a loose interpretation of the concept.

72 Years Old/Young Whatever...

I am just stepping into my seventh decade of life and I believe that the BIBLE says that we have been given 8 of them for some reason instead of 15-20 like was the case in The Old Testament.  For some reason (unknown to me or anyone for that matter), I was given an atypical (not representative of a type, group, or class) personality that can be found in the INTJ type personality according to Myers-Briggs.  I have been tested 4 times during my lifetime in 10 year intervals and the results are always the same.

This personality type embedded inside my mind coupled with the very structured, military like upraising by my parents and the encounters with classmates, teachers, and friends during my elementary school years, left me with a re-engineered personality and behavior pattern that caused me to live out my life differently than those around me.

Experts will tell you as they have told me that I had CHOICES and made those CHOICES regardless of the influence(s) around me and that I could have changed those CHOICES anytime I wanted to...  and, even if they are/were right, I did not fight the instincts that guided me.  And, therein lies my problem.

RESULTS:
I have been fired 10 times by my employers
My brother and sister are intentionally ignoring me
My second wife wishes she had left me years ago
I only had 2 friends, one died, and I destroyed the other one

One could easily say that I am SELF-DESTRUCTIVE...

And the million dollar question is WHY?

Why am I like this?

Having Friends

The Importance of Friendship
Good friends enhance the quality, the pleasure, and the health of each other
Saul Levine M.D.
Our Emotional Footprint
Posted Feb 01, 2016

We. All. Need. Good. Friends.

The songs “You’ve Got a Friend” by Carol King, “People, People Who Need People” by Barbra Streisand, and “With a Little Help from My Friends” by Joe Cocker, express the critical roles good friends play in our lives.

Like many of you, some of my oldest close friends have been an important part of my life over the decades.

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