HOPE FOR THE BEST BUT EXPECT THE WORST

This philosophy, right or wrong, has over-shadowed my life and amazingly has keep me EVEN throughout my life or at least my life after high school which is when all this shit started for me...  I still get highs and lows but hoping for the best seems to be for me, self-healing at times.  At night, what puts me asleep is dreaming/fantasizing about living a different life and as I think through all the details of this or that actually happening to me, I fall asleep.

However, the next morning when I awake, I realize that what I was dreaming about will actually never become a reality for me...

Sometimes, I wonder why I am so stupid to think otherwise.

After 72 years of life, I have finally realized that whatever happens to you or does not happen to you is exactly how life was supposed to be for you.  It does not matter what you actually do or don't do, your life will become what it was intended to become.  Is this FATE?

Not sure if I believe in FATE...

BUT, everyone's life starts at birth...  a birth that none of us ever wanted...  in short, we were given birth without our permission...

How did this happen and why to us???

There are millions of US, all of whom did not ask to be born and yet here we are...  so, who or what controls our lives...

Even my parents did not know that they would give birth to ME...

SO...  who or what planned than out for ME?

And, after coming to terms with that notion, one can easily see that one's life is not one's own just as one's birth was not one's own...

Each of us have a path to take...  a journey if you will...  taking us into different directions...  under the direction of someone else's control, even though we MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES...  those choices are already known...