Bipolar and INTJ

At 72 years of age, I have been bipolar and INTJ for 50 years, taking my first Myers-Briggs Questionnaire at the age of 22, then my second one at 35, my third one at 55, and my fourth one at 67 right before I retired.  Just for shits and giggles, I took a fifth test online about 2 weeks ago and the results were always INTJ.

I have highs and lows ever since I started College at the age of 18 when I found myself, as a Freshman in a dorm room with a roommate that never showed up.  I told no one and no one ever checked, so I lived by myself for the first year.  I was also completely alone as my sister was in College in another location and my parents and brother were still living in Cairo, Egypt where I had also lived for the past 4 years attending Cairo American College, the high school there.

It was difficult for me to make friends, so that first year I pretty much lived by myself.  I went to class and sat in the back row.  I went to the cafeteria (sometimes) and sat at a table by myself.  When I was not in either of those locations, I was in my dorm room.  I had no vehicle, so I never left campus except to visit with relatives over the holidays.

I was very lonely and hated my life and my parents for making me go to college and hated myself because I did not know how not to be alone.

I am sure that this first year in college is what really unleashed my bipolar activity that had NEVER been experienced in high school.  And, for the rest of my life, I hid who I was from my parents, my siblings, my relatives and those who tried to know me.